I heard the news from a friend but it took me a while to feel the news. As one who is constantly nagging my coaching clients to get in touch with their hearts, I realized the mighty brain sometimes steps in to perhaps save us. The radio ran nothing but this story and I found myself wanting news and analysis. Comfort in facts. Reassurance that kids are still safer in schools than outside of them. Experts advocating screening kids for depression because it is so easily hidden. My fact-collecting brain kept my heart well insulated from feeling the tragedy.
Then I woke up Saturday morning and remembered the years after my husband died of not wanting to wake up in the morning, of wanting to sleep forever. The insulation fell apart and the tears came. I feel lucky that I don't watch TV. If I saw the faces of anyone in Newton, I would have found it unbearable.
Later in the morning, as I assumed child's pose on my yoga mat, I looked for comfort by visualizing connecting directly to the earth and I felt a deep, deep sadness. So many people have been asked to bear the unbearable.
People are already complaining about the nonstop media coverage. You can always turn it off. But I think in trying to make sense of senseless acts, information helps. And maybe we need a break from feeling our hearts break.
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